Father and Son

INT - MR. JAMES’ CORPORATE OFFICE - DAY

BRENT EDWARDS (36, a robot of a worker who’s lost all sense of thrill in his life) walks into the open door of MR. JAMES’ (52, President of B.F.G.U. Co.) office. 

BRENT

Knock, knock.

MR. JAMES looks up from his computer.

MR. JAMES

Brent, just the man I was looking for. Take a seat . . . help yourself to a pastry.

BRENT grabs a napkin and Danish from the tray sitting on MR. JAMES’ desk and plops down in the chair opposite him.

BRENT

So, what’s the news?

MR. JAMES leans back in his chair, putting his hands behind his head.

MR. JAMES

Well, Brent. There comes a time in a man’s life when he has to do something he really doesn’t want to do.

BRENT’S demolishing his Danish and nodding in agreement

BRENT

Very true.

MR. JAMES

There comes a time when a man . . . has to say something he really doesn’t want to say. You following me?

                                                BRENT

                                             Completely.

                                           MR. JAMES

                                          Are you really?

         

                                               BRENT

                                                  No.

                                           MR. JAMES

                                            You’re fired.

BRENT stops chewing mid bite and stares at Mr. James. With his mouth still full:

BRENT

What do you mean fired?

MR. JAMES picks up his phone and begins

MR JAMES

I mean don’t make a scene, exit the premises quietly, we’ll have your shit sent to you, fired. (To the phone) Uh, can you send someone up to my office to escort Mr. Edwards out of the building? . . .uh huh . . . thank you.

                              BRENT (to himself)

                            Fuck . . . me . . .

After a brief moment of contemplation, BRENT whips his Danish at MR. JAMES. The Danish sticks to his forehead

INT. CORPORATE OFFICE BUILDING - DAY

BRENT’s being dragged out of the building by two huge body guards. He’s kicking cubicles over and shouting while his coworkers watch in disbelief.

BRENT

You’re all fucking clones! All of you! Joan, your breath fuckin’ reaks, smells like you brush your teeth with shit paste. Travis, you’re a prick, in every sense of the word. Kelly, you’re a whore, your mothers a whore, and your daughter has aspirations of being a whore. I hate all of you! I hate all of youuu!

BRENT disappears around the corner with his coworkers left staring at each other.

TRAVIS

Talk about dramatic. Sooo, Kelly . . .

KELLY

Fuck off, Travis.

INT. BRENT’S CAR - DAY

BRENT bangs his head over and over again on the steering will.

BRENT

Fuckkkk meeee!

He starts the engine and pulls off.

BRENT

What am I going to do? What the FUCK am I going to do? My wife’s going to leave me . . . I’m going to be out on the street. A fucking bum.

BRENT pulls up to a light and has another spaz session. A small child’s watching him from the car next to him

INT. CAR NEXT TO BRENT AT THE LIGHT - DAY

The kid watches BRENT spaz out causing his car to rock. You can see him mouthing the words, “fuck me” over and over again. BRENT notices the kid and immediately calms himself.

INT. BRENT’S CAR - DAY

The light turns green and BRENT pulls off. A billboard catches his attention and he stops. It reads: Laid off? Experience the Great Outdoors.

BRENT

Something about this sign speaks to me. I’ve decided.

INT. BRENT’S HOUSE - DAY

BRENT rushes through the front door. His wife, TRICIA, (34, a sarcastic yet fun loving woman) is sitting on the couch reading a magazine.

TRICIA

You’re home early.

BRENT

Ya, I got laid off, but that’s another discussion. I’m taking Kris on a trip.

BRENT sits on the arm of the couch. TRICIA flips through her magazine nonchalantly.

TRICIA

So, let me get this straight. You got laid off, but rather than looking for a new job, or something constructive like that, you’re going to take our son on a trip? That makes perfect sense. Perrrfeccttt sense.

BRENT rises from the couch and walks to the kitchen disappearing off screen.

BRENT (O.S.)

Not just any ol’ trip.

He returns to the arm of the couch with a beer.

BRENT

A camping trip. We’re going to experience the great outdoors.

BRENT gives her a big dumb smile while awaiting her response. TRICIA’S dumbfounded.

TRICIA

Brent. You can barely cut the fuckin’ grass, let alone survive in the forest. I mean . . . come on.

He frowns at her takes a sip of his beer.

BRENT

That’s not the point, Trish. It’s all about the male bonding. He’s soft. Doing man shit for a couple days me toughen him up.

TRICIA punches BRENT in the thigh.

TRICIA

Kris is not soft . . . he’s just . . . a geek.

BRENT

Which is a synonym for soft.

TRICIA

I guess. What am I supposed to be doing while you two are off “manning” it up?

BRENT

I don’t know. Do woman things like cooking, cleaning, nagging . . . bleeding. Things of that nature.

She gets up quietly and walks behind the couch as if she’s leaving the room. BRENT shakes his head.

BRENT

I was just joking.

BRENT begins to take another sip of his beer, but before the bottle reaches his lips he’s put in a UFC type headlock by TRICIA.

TRICIA

Do woman things like what!? Huh!?

BRENT’S fighting for his life, unable to breathe.

TRICIA

I can’t hear you! Speak up!

She lets him go and pushes him onto the couch.

TRICIA

And Kris is the soft one?

She leaves the room. BRENT lies on the couch gasping for air.

BRENT

You may have one this battle, but I’m going to fuck your life over when you least expect it! Mark my words!

KRIS, (13, a book smart, know-it-all) comes through the front door.

BRENT

Hey, son.

KRIS is surprised to hear his voice.

KRIS

Dad? What are you doing here so early?

BRENT sits up holding his neck.

BRENT

It’s a long story. Well, not really. I got fired.

KRIS drops his backpack dramatically.

KRIS

What . . .?

BRENT

Nothing for you to worry about, but guess what? We’re going camping!

KRIS

Why?

BRENT

Cause we fuckin’ are, go pack your shit. Let’s get this fun train chugging. Woo woo!

KRIS rolls his eyes and begins walking up the stairs. BRENT gets up from the couch and yells up after him:

BRENT

It’s going to be a good time! (Singing and Dancing) Come and ride the train, you ride it. Come and ride the train the choo choo trainnnn . . .aaaahhh ahhh ahhh ahh ah . . . I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . .

EXT. BRENT’S DRIVEWAY - DAY

BRENT’S car has a cargo carrier on top of it nearly the size of the car itself, that he’s stuffing camping goods into (fishing poles, tent stuff, food, cooking supplies, etc.). KRIS is sitting in the front seat with his ear phones on, and TRICIA is watching BRENT pack.

TRICIA

Do you really need to bring the entire house with you?  And how long do you two plan on being gone?

BRENT closes the latch on the cargo carrier and walks up to TRICIA.

                     BRENT

                    We’re good to go.

He grabs TRICIA lovingly by her shoulders.

                      TRICIA

We’ll be back in a couple days. Don’t worry about us, okay? Pamper yourself, go to a spa or something. I’ll get my job situation figured out once we get back.

BRENT kisses her forehead sweetly, followed by both cheeks, then finally her lips.

KRIS

Gag me!

BRENT whips his head in the direction of his son.

BRENT

Shut up, Dick!

KRIS

Watch your mouth, Dick!

TRICIA cuts KRIS a look.

TRICIA

Hey. Watch it.

KRIS laughs and puts his ear phones back on. BRENT walks over to the driver side of the car and gets in. TRICIA walks up to the passenger side and kisses KRIS on the cheek through the window.

TRICIA

Take care of my baby.

BRENT looks at her intensely.

BRENT

We are men. Men destined to do men things. I bid you adieu.

KRIS

Bye, Mom.

TRICIA looks at the car as it pulls off with her brow furrowed, biting her nails.

                                                                   TRICIA

  I love you! (to herself) Don’t kill yourselves . . . please . . .

EXT. REMOTE CAMPING GROUND – NIGHT

The sun approaches the horizon as BRENT’S car pulls to a dusty halt in a dirt parking lot at the mouth of the forest.

INT. BRENT’S CAR – NIGHT

BRENT and KRIS survey the eerily empty parking lot.

BRENT

I guess it’s not camping season, huh?

KRIS

Guess not.

BRENT opens up his door and exits the car. KRIS follows after his father gives him the okay. BRENT and KRIS both appear awkwardly uncomfortable.

BRENT

Soo, let’s get this stuff unpacked.

BRENT opens up the latch on the cargo carrier and begins handing various things to his son.

KRIS

Where am I supposed to be putting this stuff?

BRENT

Oh, there’re two big camping backpack type thingies in the backseat.

KRIS opens the backdoor of the car and grabs the bags out of the backseat. He then begins stuffing those bags with the random things his dad passes him.

KRIS

Really? A toaster? Where could we possible plug it in?

BRENT
Uh, just thinking ahead I guess.

KRIS

He brings a toaster to the forest. I’m really surprised I can read.

BRENT

You’re an ass.

BRENT scoops up one of the packed bags and puts it on. KRIS does the same, but the weight of the bag causes him to fall backward. BRENT looks at him in disbelief then yanks him up by his bag.

BRENT

Man up. (he tugs at Kris’s bag) You ready?

KRIS’S feelings seem hurt a bit.

KRIS

Yeah . . .

BRENT takes off toward the forest; it’s getting darker and darker by the second.

EXT. FOREST - NIGHT

BRENT

Take out your flashlight.

KRIS reaches in the side of his backpack, grabs a flashlight, and turns it on. BRENT does the same. They continue to trudge deeper and deeper into the forest.

KRIS

How are we supposed to get our tent together in the dark?

BRENT

Uh, we’re going to start a fire. You know . . . with wood and flint . . . or matches and kerosene.

KRIS

Ya, I bet.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – NIGHT

BRENT stops and surveys the area with his flashlight. They’re in a clearing. The moon shines high and bright in the sky.

BRENT

This seems like a good spot. Whatcha think?

KRIS looks around and shrugs his shoulders.

KRIS

It’s aright. Smells a bit swampy.

BRENT begins unpacking.

BRENT

If I’m not mistaken, we’re not too far from a river. Can you start gathering wood for me? The moon’s pretty bright; I think I’m going to start setting up the tent.

KRIS walks to the edge of the clearing and begins gathering wood. BRENT begins setting up the tent.

KRIS

Aren’t there alligators in that river?

BRENT’S struggling to get the tent up.

BRENT

Not that I know of . . .

KRIS (to himself)

Not that you know much of anything.

BRENT

You say something?

KRIS

Nope

KRIS returns with the wood.

KRIS

This sufficient?

BRENT stands with his hands on his hips proudly staring at his poor excuse for a tent. He diverts his attention to the pile of wood in front of KRIS.

BRENT

Looks good to me. Okay, Man lesson number one: Making a fire.

KRIS rolls his eyes and sits down on the ground Indian style.

BRENT

First, you have to put the wood in like a teepee type formation. That way . . . the smoke can . . . get out or something.

BRENT puts the wood in a makeshift teepee formation. KRIS is baffled by BRENT’S ignorance.

KRIS

Right.

BRENT walks over and grabs the kerosene.

BRENT

Then, you grab the kerosene and spray it on the wood. (he sprays some) Here you try.

KRIS stands up and BRENT hands him the kerosene. KRIS sprays the wood lazily.

BRENT

Come on, spray. Go nuts.

KRIS grabs the bottle with both hands and squeezes the entire bottle onto the wood. BRENT yanks the bottle, and KRIS smirks.

BRENT

Smart ass. Now if we blow up, I’m blaming you. Stand back.

BRENT lights a match and throws it onto the fire. WOOSH a flame taller than the tallest tree in the forest shoots from their tiny teepee. Both Brent and Kris stare at in awe.

BRENT

If you’re trying to kill me just tell me now.

KRIS

That’d ruin the surprise.

BRENT ruffles Kris’s hair.

BRENT

                                    It’s a clear night; you just want to bunk out here by the fire?

KRIS looks at the tent then back at BRENT

KRIS

Definitely by the fire.

BRENT looks at the tent

BRENT

Hey, hey, hey. That tent fuckin’ rocks.

KRIS

Sure it does.

KRIS walks over to the tent and grabs the sleeping bags. He tosses BRENT his bag.

BRENT

Thanks.

The both of them lay out their bags and crawl in.

BRENT

This is nice, right? Just us men. Lying under the stars. By the fire. Father and son. Yeah . . . It’s great.

KRIS

Yuh, sure dad. Night.

BRENT

Night, son.

DISOLVE TO:

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY

Both BRENT and KRIS lie sleeping with just a fizzle of smoke left in place of the fire. An alligator comes onto the screen. It begins pulling BRENT’S sleeping bag. BRENT squirms, still sleeping, talking to himself:

BRENT (to himself)

I hate all of you. I hate all of you. Stink. Prick. Whore. Kris? Kris?

The alligator continues to drag BRENT away.

KRIS

What, dad? I’m trying to sleep . . . dad?

KRIS turns over and opens his eyes, only to see his father nearly thirty feet away being dragged by and alligator.

KRIS

Dad!

KRIS takes off running towards his father in tears.

KRIS

Dad! . . . Dad, wake up!

EXT. RIVER EDGE – DAY

The alligator pulls BRENT into a calm river. BRENT doesn’t wake until he feels his feet moisten.

BRENT

The fuck?

BRENT finally notices the alligator.

BRENT

The fuck!?

It’s too late his all the way in the water now tussling with his sleeping bag. KRIS finally catches up and stands at the rivers edge. The alligator rushes BRENT. BRENT grabs him by the neck and straddles the alligators back, clinching it as tight as he can.

KRIS

Dad!

BRENT

Kris! Go get help . . . the lone ranger! (dunks under the water) Mcgiver! (dunks under the water) Yogi Bear! (dunks under the water) anybody!

Kris doesn’t leave the rivers edge. BRENT begins punching the alligator as hard as he can in its side. BRENT tries every wrestling hold he’s seen on TV. The alligator is getting increasingly aggressive.

KRIS

Dad! Your pocket knife!

BRENT reaches in his pocket and pulls out a Rambo type pocket knife.

BRENT

Good think---

The alligator dives under the water. BRENT and the gator disappear for several uncomfortable seconds. KRIS can’t stop moving and biting his nails.

KRIS

DAD!? (to himself) please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead, please don’t be dead.

In a rush of water and a manly roar, the alligator and BRENT shoot straight up in the air, at least ten feet out of the water.

Slo-mo:

BRENT takes the knife out of his mouth and cuts straight down the gators stomach, revealing its insides.

           BRENT

               I am man, hear me roarrrrr!

Break from slo-mo:

BRENT and the gator come crashing to the water, spraying water and blood everywhere. BRENT walks out of the water slowly with his knife in one hand, dragging the gator by its tail with the other. His adrenaline is obviously in overdrive. In his best Clint Eastwood impression he says:

BRENT

Hungry?

KRIS stares at his father who’s cloaked in gator blood, with a goofy smile. KRIS is bubbling with excitement. He rushes over to BRENT and squeezes him tightly. BRENT drops his knife and the gator and embraces him.

KRIS

I thought I lost you.

Still in his Clint Eastwood voice.

BRENT

I ain’t goin’ anywhere, kid. Now, let’s go roast some gator.

EXT. FOREST CLEARING – DAY

BRENT and KRIS sit around the fire roasting gator like marshmallows, looking at each other, smiling, and enjoying their meal.

EXT. BRENT’S DRIVEWAY – NIGHT

TRICIA sits waiting on the front stoop of their home. She rises when she sees the lights from BRENT’S car down the block. The car pulls into the driveway and they exit the vehicle.

TRICIA

Oh-my-god, oh-my-god? What happened!? Is that blood!? Are you bleeding? Are you hurt?

KRIS puts his hand up to silence TRICIA. In his best Clint Eastwood impression:

KRIS

I became a man today. That’s all you need to worry your pretty little head about.

They sit in silence for awhile, and then KRIS slowly does a manly walk into the house. TRICIA’S mouth is wide with her hand on her heart, as she watches her son walk away.

BRENT

That’s my boy! That’s how you talk to a woman.

TRICIA

And that’s how you get put on pussy punishment. Goodnight, my dear. Have fun unpacking.

BRENT watches with a pouty look on his face as TRICIA swishes her hips into the house, blowing him a kiss as she disappears through the doorway.

BRENT (to himself)

Fuckk meee.

The End.